Living my truth....

There is no mistake where God has placed me, what I have experienced this far in my lifetime; the experiences, the lessons, the blessings, the ups, the downs, the greatest highs and the deepest lows. What will always remain is loving hard with my whole heart, giving freely of myself and being a true blue human. There are times in my life where I felt lost along the way, felt hollow due to grief and heartache and moments of real depression and despair in this life. At times, I wasn't being true to myself, have over compensated for others in ways too many to count, and sacrificed greatly in the name of love. Everyone always came before me my entire life.

These last 3 years, I continued to soul search, create healthier boundaries, and work on myself not just physically by mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Not to say that I'm perfect because no one is and that's not my aim. What I will do though is strive to be a work in progress and just be a transparent human.

I began to ask myself and circle back many times asking myself, What gives me the greatest joy, happiness, and makes me feel alive? Am I truly living my life to the fullest? I tossed, turned, and wrestled with my truth. The answer was daunting, filled me with anxiety and fear and what the unknown would look like. I asked myself, How do I get there? What is holding me back? What could I do and what would it look like to get there?

I ignored many signs, possible red flags too. But I prayed, meditated, and dug deeper realizing that all the answers were within myself. To truly love someone, you must be determined and fueled to love unconditionally, allow it to be free flowing and nurturing to bring out the best in one another and making a choice to make it a priority over everything to love deeper daily. At least, that's my view on it and what I hope for.

Love is vulnerable in every way possible that must make you feel fulfilled, safe, and indescribable peace. It's the greatest adventure to feel as one and be completely in sync and can feel like the greatest tragedy to feel the opposite when it's everything you felt you signed up for.

What I do know is coming to terms with it all was the hardest decision to make while knowing that it was the best decision for the both of us. I gave it my all - my heart and soul and have no regrets. Over 2 decades of history, we have supported one another through many monumental moments and some of the deepest heartaches with losing loved ones and some unimaginable circumstances. We have experienced life experiences together far greater than most couples will ever endure in this lifetime. We made many memories and I will treasure them and hold loved ones and memories together dear to my heart with our once blended family and friends. I understand that some may never speak with me further due to loyalty legions and I accept that too. It's part of the process from what I've already experienced. I wish no one ill will and if they seek to delete me from social media, I accept that as well. I wish all - love, good health, peace, and happiness always. I don't feel the need to delete anyone on social media and I'm sorry if you are deleted by him. He may see it as better for his healing too.

Ya know, there are no guarantees in love. All you can do is love the best way you know how in hopes that it will match the frequency of what you need in return to feel soulfully fed. I believe that God has our paths mapped out. I am no longer afraid of the unknown, I welcome it.

I am grateful for everything past to present, where I am today, and where I see myself headed. I believe that love is meant for everyone and love will find us both on our separate paths. I'm hopeful for both of our futures and wish nothing but God's best especially fulfilling peace, love, and light in our separate roads ahead.